How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
