Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
