Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
