I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
