first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize