Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
