He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
