My room smells like vodka and shame
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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