i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
be right there i have to get my cape
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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