I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
