There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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