is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
