So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
