Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
