Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
