I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
