I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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