Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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