I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
