I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
