Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
