I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
