So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
