Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
why is half of my head shaved?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
