im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
