It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
