i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize