Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
