She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
