batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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