Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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