I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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