Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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