I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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