Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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