I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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