I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
