I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
