Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
