I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you never un-have a 4some
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
