the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
