Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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