you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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