Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
