goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
