The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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