I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
