i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
