This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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