I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the condom got lost in my hair
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
