I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
