Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
two words: eviction party
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
