We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
