drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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