He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
