if you like me you must not know who I am
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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