The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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