Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
