I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
