Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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