did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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