check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
