Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize