before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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