I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
