I feel great
I just peed on a car
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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