nut hugger
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
