I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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