She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
