it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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