I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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