she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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