Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
