R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
