things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize