It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
