I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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