AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
