God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
