I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
