oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
