I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
